‘I do not love you as if you were brine-rose, topaz,’

‘I do not love you as if you were brine-rose, topaz,’
XVII From: ‘Cien sonetos de amor’
Pablo Neruda


I do not love you as if you were brine-rose, topaz,
or barbed carnations thrown off by the fire.
I love you as certain hidden things are loved,
secretly, between night and soul.


I love you like the flower-less plant
carrying inside itself the light of those flowers,
and, graced by your love, a fierce perfume
risen from earth, is alive, concealed in my flesh.


I love you without knowing how, whence, when.
I love you truly, without doubts, without pride,
I love you so, and know, no other way to love,


none but this mode of neither You nor I,
so close that your hand over my chest is my hand,
so close they are your eyes I shut when I sleep.

Mental Illness Today

People have been conscious of their health. They are trying to lose weight and watching what they eat to prevent high blood pressure or onset of diabetes. These changing lifestyles are actually good and have long term benefits.

But what really causes thousands of deaths in our world? Is it the diseases that science has put on so much research and money to prevent it? When the suicidal man in California drove his car towards the metro train, how many people died and were injured that time? How many people are slaughtered without any remorse by a power hungry person?

Mental disorder has caused thousands of life throughout the years but there is so little research on the study of psychiatry and psychology. My professor has given us assigned disorders for us to present to the class. With these presentations, we can have the basic knowledge of what is going on the minds of normal people as well as those suffering from a mental disorder.

I have read through some of the research I did in the internet and it is troubling. People at some point of their disorder will not be able to function properly or end up with more morbid disorders if not treated properly. Without the institutions and the physicians to help them get through it, they will end up so lost and so confused that only death or the eradication of something or someone is the only solution.

A lot of people have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADD, etc. It is not just a trend to have these disorders. Some people just do not understand that this is not an issue that will just go away on a person. Many can get hurt. It is also no laughing matter to be depressed or tell somebody you want to kill yourself because some of them really meant it and eventually lead to their death.

I am saying this because I have gone through times when I don’t know what else to do. I came to such point that I didn’t care about myself anymore. I couldn’t function anymore. But I am fortunate that my family and friends have supported me. The mere fact that people cared about me made me stop hurting myself because I know if they found out what I am going through they will be deeply hurt.

But what about those people who don’t have anybody to hold on too? What will happen to them if they can’t find a support system? Will they hurt themselves to look for attention? Will they think about suicide? Nobody knows…but the only thing we can do is be there for them. Sometimes one single phone call can save a life. It is just a matter of going out of our way even for a minute to ask someone if we can help them.

second week at ccsn

It is my second week as a college student again. There are a lot of things being done. My life has been the same like I did back when I was in the Philippines. Rain or shine I have to go to school. Two hours of sleep or a full 8 hour sleep I have to be in class. Sixty pages of reading material have to be read once again and long hours of reviewing for an exam. But I like it. It is not easy to get everything done all at the same time. Laundry has to be done. I still have to learn how to drive…If this is my way of stressing myself out it is actually working. Before I would probably end up hyperventilating already but now things are just so fast paced in this country that I don’t even have that moment to actually think that there is tons of things to be done. Life just seems to pass me by now. Of course there will still be people that are complete assholes who act as if they can control everything because of money. But to hell with them right?! They will soon find themselves in the same or even worse situation that they have placed somebody in the past.